Movie quotes

"Would you like me to describe it to you? Or shall I fetch you a box?"

These are mostly movie quotes, but there are some quotes from TV shows, as well. I've tried to avoid quotes that require explanation, but there are some that slipped through the cracks (the Worf-Alexander conversation over there in "S," well, you just had to see the episode). They're mostly funny ones, but there's a few more serious ones. Many movies deserve to have their entire script in here, but I've imposed a limit of no more than three from any given source. Enjoy! And please, if you notice an error, please let me know (email address can be found in the Personal section). In the years since IMDB started allowing people to submit quotes, it's gotten harder to find the original wording if you don't own a movie.

"Caution: some quotes contain language." Snicker.

Note : Quotes with their source marked with an * come from something that has been (probably clumsily) translated from Japanese.

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Saint

Simon Templar

My name is Bruno Hautenfaust. I was named for a saint who was a very wealthy man. Had the wines, the womens, the songs, the whole bit. And then, inexplicably, took a vow of poverty and went off to live in the forest as a hermit. In the nude.

Ivan Tretiak

Please, leave.

Saving Private Ryan

Pvt. Reiben

Sorry, sir, but let's say you weren't a Captain, or maybe I was a Major. What would you say then?

Capt. Miller

In that case, I'd say this is an excellent mission, sir, with an extremely valuable objective, sir. Worthy of my best efforts, sir. Moreover, I feel heartfelt sorrow for the mother of Private James Ryan and am willing to lay down the lives of me and my men - especially you, Reiben - to ease her suffering.

Say Anything

Lloyd Dobler

I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.

Scent of a Woman

Lt. Col. Frank Slade

When in doubt, fuck.

Scorpion King

Mathayus

Get ready. I'll kill half, you kill half.

Se7en

William Somerset

Anyone who spends a significant amount of time with me finds me disagreeable.

William Somerset

This guy's methodical, exacting, and worst of all, patient.

David Mills

He's a nut-bag! Just because the fucker's got a library card doesn't make him Yoda!

Serenity

Wash

I am a leaf on the wind... watch how I soar.

Shawshank Redemption

Red

And that's how it came to pass that on the second-to-last day of the job, the convict crew that tarred the plate factory roof in the spring of forty-nine wound up sitting in a row at ten o'clock in the morning drinking icy cold, Bohemia-style beer, courtesy of the hardest screw that ever walked a turn at Shawshank State Prison.

Captain Hadley

Drink up while it's cold, ladies.

Red

The collosal prick even managed to sound magnanimous.

Shrek

The Donkey

Oh no! I can't feel my toes. ...I don't have any toes!! I need a hug.

Silence of the Lambs

Hannibal Lecter

Oh, Clarice, your problem is you need to get more fun out of life.

Six Feet Under

Nate

This is Brenda... my... girlfriend.

Brenda

I prefer the term "fuck puppet."

Six String Samurai

Mesh-Head

If I were you, I'd run!

Buddy

If you were me, you'd be good-looking.

Sixth Sense

Cole

We were supposed to draw a picture, anything we wanted. I drew a man who got hurt in the neck by another man with a screwdriver. Everyone got upset. They had a meeting. Mom started crying. I don't draw like that any more.

Malcolm

How do you draw now?

Cole

I draw... people smiling, dogs running, rainbows. They don't have meetings about rainbows.

Sleepy Hollow

Ichabod Crane

Did you move the body?

Dr. Thomas Lancaster

Yes.

Ichabod Crane

You must NEVER move the body.

Dr. Thomas Lancaster

Why?

Ichabod Crane

... Because.

Snatch

Turkish

Fuck me, hold tight. What's that?

Tommy

It's me belt, Turkish.

Turkish

No, Tommy. There's a gun in your trousers. What's a gun doing in your trousers?

Tommy

It's for protection.

Turkish

Protection from what?! Zee Germans??

Sneakers

Mother

Cattle mutilations are up.

Donald Crease

Don't.

Mother

Sorry.

So I Married an Axe Murderer

Charlie

Woman... woe, man... whoooa-man. She was a thief, you got to believe, she stole my heart... and my cat...

Stuart

We've got a piper down! I repeat, the piper is DOWN!

Spiderman

Peter Parker

Go web! Fly! Up, up, and away, web! Shazam! Web it!

Peter Parker

Mr. Jameson, you can't say that.. that's slander.

Jameson

No it isn't, and I resent that! Slander is spoken, in print it's libel.

Spy Who Loved Me

James Bond

Oh, thanks for deserting me back there.

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

McCoy

Oh, joy.

Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

Kirk

Excuse me, but what does God need with a starship?

Star Trek VIII: First Contact

Emergency Medical Hologram

According to Starfleet medical research, Borg implants can cause severe skin irritations. Perhaps you'd like an analgesic cream?

Star Trek: Next Generation

Worf

You wrote this program yourself?

Alexander

Lieutenant Barkley helped me.

Star Wars : A New Hope

Han Solo

I don't know, I can imagine quite a bit.

Han Solo

Uh...had a slight weapons malfunction. But, uh, everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here... now... thank you. How are you?

Leia

Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?

Luke

But I was going to Taschi Station to pick up some power convertors!

Star Wars : Attack of the Clones

Dealer

You wanna buy some death sticks?

Obi-Wan

You don't want to sell me death sticks.

Dealer

I don't wanna sell you death sticks.

Obi-Wan

You want to go home and re-think your life.

Dealer

I want to go home and re-think my life.

Star Wars : Return of the Jedi

C-3PO

It's against my programming to impersonate a deity.

Star Wars : The Empire Strikes Back

Yoda

Do, or do not. There is no "try."

Star Wars : The Phantom Menace

Qui-Gon

Credits will do fine.

Watto

No, they won'ta. What? You think you're some kind of Jedi, waving your hand around like that?

Qui-Gon

The ablilty to speak does not make you intelligent.

Stargate: SG1

Colonel Jack O'Neill

Hammond is insisting SG1 needs a socio-political nerd to offset our overwhelming coolness.

Starship Troopers

Johnny Rico

I'm from Buenos Aires, and I say kill 'em all!

Rasczak

Everyone fights, no one quits. If you don't do your job, I'll shoot you myself.

Stigmata

Frankie

Do you know what's scarier than not believing in God? Believing in him. I mean, really fucking believing in him is terrifying because if there is a God, he hates me.

Strange Days

Nero

This is what we laughingly refer to as a plan, right?

Max

Cheer up. The world's about to end in ten minutes anyway.

Suicide Kings

Charlie

The gun again. Can't you guys just play nice?

Charlie

Guys, if I don't bleed to death pretty soon, I'm gonna die of boredom.


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