Movie quotes
"Gentlemen, congratulations. You're everything we've come to expect from years of government training."
These are mostly movie quotes, but there are some quotes from TV shows, as well. I've tried to avoid quotes that require explanation, but there are some that slipped through the cracks (the Worf-Alexander conversation over there in "S," well, you just had to see the episode). They're mostly funny ones, but there's a few more serious ones. Many movies deserve to have their entire script in here, but I've imposed a limit of no more than three from any given source. Enjoy! And please, if you notice an error, please let me know (email address can be found in the Personal section). In the years since IMDB started allowing people to submit quotes, it's gotten harder to find the original wording if you don't own a movie.
"Caution: some quotes contain language." Snicker.
Note : Quotes with their source marked with an * come from something that has been (probably clumsily) translated from Japanese.
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Mallrats | |
Brodie |
Cookie stand's not part of the food court. |
T.S. |
Sure it is. |
Brodie |
The food court is downstairs, the cookie stand is upstairs. It's not like we're talking quantum physics here! |
T.S. |
The cookie stand is an eatery, an eatery is part of the food court. |
Brodie |
Bullshit! Eateries that operate within the designated square downstairs qualify as food court. Anything operating outside the said designated square is considered an autonomous unit for mid-mall snacking. |
Man in the Iron Mask | |
Aramis |
You seek facts, when you should be seeking the truth. |
Manhattan Murder Mystery | |
I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland. |
|
Mask of Zorro | |
Don Diego de la Vega |
Do you know how to use that thing? |
Alejandro |
Yes! The pointy end goes into the other man. |
Alejandro |
Do you surrender? |
Elena |
Never, but I may scream. |
Alejandro |
I understand. Sometimes I have that effect. |
Matrix | |
Neo |
I know Kung Fu. |
Oracle |
You're cuter than I thought. I can see why she likes you. |
Neo |
Who? |
Oracle |
Not too bright, though. |
Memento | |
Leonard |
Okay, so what am I doing? Oh, I'm chasing this guy. ...No... he's chasing me. |
Men in Black | |
Zed |
Gentlemen, congratulations. You're everything we've come to expect from years of government training. |
Beatrice |
You here to make fun of me? |
Kay |
No, ma'am. We at the FBI do not have a sense of humor we're aware of. May we come in? |
Messenger | |
Aulon |
JOAN! |
Joan |
Wha— why are you looking at me like that?? |
Aulon |
Because there's an arrow in your leg! |
Joan |
What? Oh... well that's hardly a reason for you to stop climbing, is it? ...You! Take this arrow out of my leg! |
Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil | |
John |
This place is fantastic! It's like "Gone With The Wind" on mescaline. |
Miss Congeniality | |
Gracie |
Doughnut Nazi. |
Mister Roberts | |
Ensign Pulver |
Captain, it is I, Ensign Pulver, and I just threw your stinking palm tree overboard. |
Mononoke Hime * | |
Moro |
Oh, you're awake. I was hoping you'd cry out in your sleep so that I could bite your face off. |
Monty Python and the Holy Grail | |
Peasant |
I got better. |
Dennis |
Help! Help! I'm being repressed! Come see the violence inherent in the system! Violence inherent in the system! |
French Soldier |
I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries! |
Monty Python and the Meaning of Life | |
Father |
The mill's closed. There's no more work. We're destitute. |
Children |
Ohhhhh. |
Father |
I'm afraid I have no choice but to sell you all for medical experiments. |
Monty Python's Flying Circus | |
This is Mr. E. R. Bradsaw. He cannot be seen. Mr. Bradsaw, will you stand up please?... *BANG* This demonstrates the value of not being seen. |
|
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! |
|
Mulan | |
Mushu |
My little baby, off to destroy people. |
Mushu |
That's it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! Make a note of this. Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your cow! |
Mummy | |
Winston |
Is it dangerous? |
Rick |
Well, you probably won't live through it. |
Winston |
By Jove, do you really think so? |
Jonathan |
Well, everyone else we've bumped into has died. Why should you be any different? |
Eveyln |
Patience is a virtue! |
Rick |
Not right now it isn't! |
Mummy Returns | |
Izzy |
Whatever it is, O'Connell, I'm not interested! Every time I hook up with you, I get shot! Last time I got shot in the ass! I'm still in mourning for my ass! |
Muppet Treasure Island | |
I've gone way beyond afraid. Right now, I'm somewhere between bedwetting and a near death experience. |
|
Mystery Men | |
Mr. Furious |
Lance Hunt IS Captain Amazing! |
The Shoveler |
Don't start that AGAIN. Lance Hunt wears glasses. Captain Amazing DOESN'T wear glasses! |
Mr. Furious |
He takes them off when he transforms. |
The Shoveler |
That doesn't make any sense, he wouldn't be able to see. |