Movie quotes

"Don't tell the elf."

These are mostly movie quotes, but there are some quotes from TV shows, as well. I've tried to avoid quotes that require explanation, but there are some that slipped through the cracks (the Worf-Alexander conversation over there in "S," well, you just had to see the episode). They're mostly funny ones, but there's a few more serious ones. Many movies deserve to have their entire script in here, but I've imposed a limit of no more than three from any given source. Enjoy! And please, if you notice an error, please let me know (email address can be found in the Personal section). In the years since IMDB started allowing people to submit quotes, it's gotten harder to find the original wording if you don't own a movie.

"Caution: some quotes contain language." Snicker.

Note : Quotes with their source marked with an * come from something that has been (probably clumsily) translated from Japanese.

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A Bug's Life

Worker Ant #1

Oh no! I'm lost! Where's the line? What do I do?

Worker Ant #2


Worker Ant #3

We'll be stuck forever!

Mr. Soil

Do not panic, do not panic! We are trained professionals! Now, stay calm. We are going around the leaf.

Worker Ant #1

Around the leaf! I-I-I don't think we can do that.

Mr. Soil

Oh, nonsense. This is nothing compared to the twig of '93!

A Knight's Tale

Geoffrey Chaucer

One and two and three and four and Wat doesn't lead he follows like a girl.

A League of Their Own


There's no crying in baseball!

A Life Less Ordinary


We can do this with or without violence, it's up to you. The client pays our medical bills but not yours. Well?


Oh, without, please.


You think I'd talk to a dog? Do you think I'd ask a dog whether you are good or evil? Do you think I'm some sort of backwoods weirdo with a barn full of skulls and knives I sharpen every day in anticipation for Armageddon?


No, I'm sure you're just a regular guy.


Yeah. I am a regular guy. I'm regular. But that's not the point! Who ... are YOU?

Ace Ventura, Pet Detective


You know, you're just mad because your stupid little pebble theory didn't work out and you don't know how to express your anger.


Yeah? And you're ugly.

Adventures of Baron Munchausen

King of the Moon

No, let me go! I've got tides to regulate! Comets to direct! I don't have time for flatulence and orgasms!

Baron Munchausen

Your reality, sir, is lies and balderdash and I'm delighted to say that I have no grasp of it whatsoever.

Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension

Buckaroo Banzai

No, no, no, don't tug on that. You never know what it might be attached to.

Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert


The only life I saw for the past million miles were the hypnotized bunnies, and most of them are now wedged under the tires.


A desert holiday, let's pack the drag away. You take the lunch and tea. I'll take the ecstasy. Fuck off you silly queer, I'm getting out of here. A desert holiday, hip hip hip hooray!

Air Force One

Ivan Korshunov

You murdered 100,000 Iraqis to save a nickel a gallon on gas. Don't lecture me on the rules of war.


The Genie

It's all part and parcel of the whole genie gig: phenomenal cosmic powers, itty bitty living space.

Alien Resurrection


I am not the man with whom to fuck.


So, I hear you, like, ran into these things before?




What did you do?


I died.

Aliens (Special Director's Cut)

Private Hudsen

I'm the ultimate bad-ass! State of the Bad-Ass-R! You don't want to mess with me! Check it out! Independently targeting particle beam phalanx. Fry an entire city with this puppy! We've got tactical smart missiles. Phase plasma pulse rifles, RPGs! We've got sonic electronic ball breakers. We've got nukes, we've got knives... sharp sticks!

All That

Lori Beth

It's weird to put bacon on your head and say "I'm Porkboy, the breakfast monkey"

Almost Famous

Lester Bangs

Of course I'm home. I'm always home. I'm uncool.

American Beauty


"My job requires mostly masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell"????


Whose car is that out in front?


Mine. 1970 Pontiac Firebird. The car I've always wanted and now I have it. I rule!

American President


You kissed him? Where?


On the lips.


And then what happened?


He had to go and attack Libya.

American Psycho


When I see a pretty girl walking down the street, I think two things. One part wants me to be real nice and sweet and treat her right.

David Van Patten

And what does the other part think?


What her head would look like on a stick!



I've been kidnapped by the village idiot.


Don't you get it? I chose you because you were the most pathetic bug in the joint.


You know, I was going to let you become a part of my most erotic fantasies, but now you can just write it off.


Don't worry, I know almost exactly what I'm doing.



Hey Harry, you know we're sitting on four million pounds of fuel, one nuclear weapon and a thing that has two hundred thousand moving parts built by the lowest bidder. Makes you feel good doesn't it?

General Kimsey

The fate of the planet is in the hands of a bunch of retards I wouldn't trust with a potato gun.

Ronald Quincy

I know the presidents' chief advisor; we were at MIT together. And, at this point in time, you really don't want to take advice from a man who got a C minus in astrophysics. The presidents' advisors are wrong. I am right.

Army of Darkness


Alright, you primitive screwheads, listen up. See this? This is my BOOMSTICK! It's a twelve gauge double barreled Remington, S-Mart's top-of-the-line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop Smart. Shop S-mart. Ya got that?! Now I swear, the next one of you primates, even touches me...


Don't touch that please. Your primitive intellect wouldn't understand things with alloys and compositions and things with... molecular structures.


Lady, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the store.

Artificial Intelligence : AI


My brain is falling out.

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Austin Powers

You must admit she is rather mannish. Really, if that is a woman she must have been beaten with an ugly stick.



Puny god.

Avengers: Age of Ultron


Really? That's it? You just roll over and show your belly, every time somebody snarls?


Only when I've created a murderbot!


The city is flying and we're fighting an army of robots. And I have a bow and arrow. Nothing makes sense.

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