Movie quotes

"So, the flannel shirt deal. Is that a nod to the crispy Seattle weather or are you just trying to stay warm in the refrigerator?"

These are mostly movie quotes, but there are some quotes from TV shows, as well. I've tried to avoid quotes that require explanation, but there are some that slipped through the cracks (the Worf-Alexander conversation over there in "S," well, you just had to see the episode). They're mostly funny ones, but there's a few more serious ones. Many movies deserve to have their entire script in here, but I've imposed a limit of no more than three from any given source. Enjoy! And please, if you notice an error, please let me know (email address can be found in the Personal section). In the years since IMDB started allowing people to submit quotes, it's gotten harder to find the original wording if you don't own a movie.

"Caution: some quotes contain language." Snicker.

Note : Quotes with their source marked with an * come from something that has been (probably clumsily) translated from Japanese.

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A Bug's Life

Worker Ant #1

Oh no! I'm lost! Where's the line? What do I do?

Worker Ant #2

Help!

Worker Ant #3

We'll be stuck forever!

Mr. Soil

Do not panic, do not panic! We are trained professionals! Now, stay calm. We are going around the leaf.

Worker Ant #1

Around the leaf! I-I-I don't think we can do that.

Mr. Soil

Oh, nonsense. This is nothing compared to the twig of '93!

A Knight's Tale

Geoffrey Chaucer

One and two and three and four and Wat doesn't lead he follows like a girl.

A League of Their Own

Jimmy

There's no crying in baseball!

A Life Less Ordinary

O'Reilly

We can do this with or without violence, it's up to you. The client pays our medical bills but not yours. Well?

Robert

Oh, without, please.

Todd

You think I'd talk to a dog? Do you think I'd ask a dog whether you are good or evil? Do you think I'm some sort of backwoods weirdo with a barn full of skulls and knives I sharpen every day in anticipation for Armageddon?

Robert

No, I'm sure you're just a regular guy.

Todd

Yeah. I am a regular guy. I'm regular. But that's not the point! Who ... are YOU?

Ace Ventura, Pet Detective

Melissa

You know, you're just mad because your stupid little pebble theory didn't work out and you don't know how to express your anger.

Ace

Yeah? And you're ugly.

Adventures of Baron Munchausen

King of the Moon

No, let me go! I've got tides to regulate! Comets to direct! I don't have time for flatulence and orgasms!

Baron Munchausen

Your reality, sir, is lies and balderdash and I'm delighted to say that I have no grasp of it whatsoever.

Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension

Buckaroo Banzai

No, no, no, don't tug on that. You never know what it might be attached to.

Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

Felicia

A desert holiday, let's pack the drag away. You take the lunch and tea. I'll take the ecstasy. Fuck off you silly queer, I'm getting out of here. A desert holiday, hip hip hip hooray!

Felicia

The only life I saw for the past million miles were the hypnotized bunnies, and most of them are now wedged under the tires.

Air Force One

Ivan Korshunov

You murdered 100,000 Iraqis to save a nickel a gallon on gas. Don't lecture me on the rules of war.

Aladdin

The Genie

It's all part and parcel of the whole genie gig: phenomenal cosmic powers, itty bitty living space.

Alien Resurrection

Johner

I am not the man with whom to fuck.

Johner

So, I hear you, like, ran into these things before?

Ripley

Yeah.

Johner

What did you do?

Ripley

I died.

Aliens (Special Director's Cut)

Private Hudsen

I'm the ultimate bad-ass! State of the Bad-Ass-R! You don't want to mess with me! Check it out! Independently targeting particle beam phalanx. Fry an entire city with this puppy! We've got tactical smart missiles. Phase plasma pulse rifles, RPGs! We've got sonic electronic ball breakers. We've got nukes, we've got knives... sharp sticks!

All That

Lori Beth

It's weird to put bacon on your head and say "I'm Porkboy, the breakfast monkey"

Almost Famous

Lester Bangs

Of course I'm home. I'm always home. I'm uncool.

American Beauty

Brad

"My job requires mostly masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell"????

Caroline

Whose car is that out in front?

Lester

Mine. 1970 Pontiac Firebird. The car I've always wanted and now I have it. I rule!

American President

Beth

You kissed him? Where?

Syd

On the lips.

Beth

And then what happened?

Syd

He had to go and attack Libya.

American Psycho

Patrick

When I see a pretty girl walking down the street, I think two things. One part wants me to be real nice and sweet and treat her right.

David Van Patten

And what does the other part think?

Patrick

What her head would look like on a stick!

Antz

Bala

I've been kidnapped by the village idiot.

Z

Don't worry, I know almost exactly what I'm doing.

Bala

Don't you get it? I chose you because you were the most pathetic bug in the joint.

Z

You know, I was going to let you become a part of my most erotic fantasies, but now you can just write it off.

Armageddon

Ronald Quincy

I know the presidents' chief advisor; we were at MIT together. And, at this point in time, you really don't want to take advice from a man who got a C minus in astrophysics. The presidents' advisors are wrong. I am right.

General Kimsey

The fate of the planet is in the hands of a bunch of retards I wouldn't trust with a potato gun.

Rockhound

Hey Harry, you know we're sitting on four million pounds of fuel, one nuclear weapon and a thing that has two hundred thousand moving parts built by the lowest bidder. Makes you feel good doesn't it?

Army of Darkness

Ash

Alright, you primitive screwheads, listen up. See this? This is my BOOMSTICK! It's a twelve gauge double barreled Remington, S-Mart's top-of-the-line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop Smart. Shop S-mart. Ya got that?! Now I swear, the next one of you primates, even touches me...

Ash

Don't touch that please. Your primitive intellect wouldn't understand things with alloys and compositions and things with... molecular structures.

Ash

Lady, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the store.

Artificial Intelligence : AI

David

My brain is falling out.

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Austin Powers

You must admit she is rather mannish. Really, if that is a woman she must have been beaten with an ugly stick.

Avengers

Hulk

Puny god.

Avengers: Age of Ultron

Stark

Really? That's it? You just roll over and show your belly, every time somebody snarls?

Banner

Only when I've created a murderbot!

Hawkeye

The city is flying and we're fighting an army of robots. And I have a bow and arrow. Nothing makes sense.


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