Movie quotes

"When you've had the glory of a 4-figure IQ, of course it bothers you when you lose 793 consecutive games to a smegging toaster!"

These are mostly movie quotes, but there are some quotes from TV shows, as well. I've tried to avoid quotes that require explanation, but there are some that slipped through the cracks (the Worf-Alexander conversation over there in "S," well, you just had to see the episode). They're mostly funny ones, but there's a few more serious ones. Many movies deserve to have their entire script in here, but I've imposed a limit of no more than three from any given source. Enjoy! And please, if you notice an error, please let me know (email address can be found in the Personal section). In the years since IMDB started allowing people to submit quotes, it's gotten harder to find the original wording if you don't own a movie.

"Caution: some quotes contain language." Snicker.

Note : Quotes with their source marked with an * come from something that has been (probably clumsily) translated from Japanese.

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Back to the Future

Doc Brown

The way I see it, if you're gonna build a time machine into a car, why not do it with some style.

Doc Brown

If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour... you're gonna see some serious shit.

Batman Begins

Bruce

Mrgh... Bats are nocturnal!

Battlestar Galactica

Starbuck

Can I make a suggestion that you won’t like?

Apollo

Do you make any other kind?

Cavil

I saw a star explode and send out the building blocks of the Universe. Other stars, other planets and eventually other life. A supernova! Creation itself! I was there. I wanted to see it and be part of the moment. And you know how I perceived one of the most glorious events in the universe? With these ridiculous gelatinous orbs in my skull! With eyes designed to perceive only a tiny fraction of the EM spectrum. With ears designed only to hear vibrations in the air.

Ellen

The five of us designed you to be as human as possible.

Cavil

I don't want to be human! I want to see gamma rays! I want to hear X-rays! And I want to - I want to smell dark matter! Do you see the absurdity of what I am? I can't even express these things properly because I have to - I have to conceptualize complex ideas in this stupid limiting spoken language! But I know I want to reach out with something other than these prehensile paws! And feel the wind of a supernova flowing over me! I'm a machine! And I can know much more! I can experience so much more. But I'm trapped in this absurd body! And why? Because my five creators thought that God wanted it that way!

Anders

Perfection. That’s what it’s about. It’s those moments. When you can feel the perfection of creation. The beauty of physics, you know, the wonder of mathematics. The elation of action and reaction, and that is the kind of perfection that I want to be connected to.

Beetlejuice

Adam

What are your qualifications?

Beetlejuice

Ah. Well... I attended Juilliard... I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen the EXORCIST ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT... NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU'RE TALKING TO A DEAD GUY... NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK?!? You think I'm qualified?

Being John Malkovich

Craig

With all due respect, John, It's MY portal.

John Malkovich

It's MY HEAD, Schwartz. It's MY head!

Craig

What happens when a man goes through his own portal?

Better Off Dead

Tree-Trimmer

Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that.

Paperboy

I WANT MY TWO DOLLARS!!

Big Lebowski

Dude

The Dude abides.

Dude

You're not wrong, Walter. You're just an asshole.

Maude

What do you do for recreation?

Dude

Oh, the usual. Bowl, drive around. The occasional acid flashback.

Big Trouble in Little China

Jack

Would you just stop rubbing your body up against mine? Because I can't concentrate when you do that.

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

Ted

Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K.

Bill+Ted

Bogus!

Birdcage

Mrs. Keeley

What interesting china! Why, it looks like young men playing leap-frog. Is it Greek?

Black Hawk Down

Crew Chief

Hey, Grimesy! No fear!

Grimes

Oh, yeah, RIGHT!

Blade

Quinn

I'm gonna be naughty! I'm gonna be a naughty vampire god!

Blade: Trinity

King

Summerfield managed to treat me with the cure, and now I kill them. ...And that's basically turning a frown upside down.

Blast From the Past

Adam

Oh my lucky stars! A Negro!

Blazing Saddles

Bart

Are we awake?

Jim

We're not sure. Are we black?

Bart

Yes, we are.

Jim

Then we're awake, but very puzzled.

Boondock Saints

Smecker

We'll start the ass-kissing with you.

Rocco

We could kill EVERYONE!

Murphy

So what do you think?

Connor

I'm strangely comfortable with it.

Il Duce

Never shall innocent blood be shed, yet the blood of the wicked shall flow like a river. The Three shall spread their blackened wings and be the vengeful striking hammer of God.

Connor and Murphy

And shepherds we shall be, for thee my Lord for thee, Power hath descended forth from thy hand, that our feet may swiftly carry out thy command, we shall flow a river forth to thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be. In nomine patrie, et fili, et spiritu sancti.

Braveheart

King Longshank

The trouble with Scotland is that it's full of Scots.

William Wallace

Fight for me. You get to kill the English.

Bring It On

Sparky

Cheerleaders are dancers who have gone retarded.

Sparky

I want you to think of what you ate today. Got it? Now cut that in half; this is called a diet, people, everyone start one today! Darcy, you should stop eating. You see, when you skip a meal, your body feeds off its fat stores. And if you skip enough, maybe your body will eat your ass!

Broken Arrow

Hale

I am serious, Deak, your mind has taken a walk off the map.

Deakins

Yeah, but I'm still going to kick your ass.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Jonathan

We're proud to say that the class of 1999 has the lowest mortality rate of any graduating class in Sunnydale history!!


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