(warning: particularly old content) I don't ask for it to make sense RSS feed


Jen go to bed. Crazy tired and it's only 11:15. Bah!


Tired to the limit. But I have a shatty resume. And materials for visa application gathered. w00t.


I recommend more than four hours of sleep (split into two unequal halves) to just about anyone. What was I thinking of saying right when I was in the car driving home... other than how weird it was that there were like eight cars pulled on to the sides of I5 between home and the airport and back. Because that's not really that weird. So I have to have a resume written by Friday. Maybe I'll just look at all my applicant's ones and take the best bits. Heh.

Silly Japanese word of the next test I'm studying for!

kaden - household electronics


Depressing that despite a two hour nap earlier this evening, I'm still exhausted. If I could just get myself to go to bed earlier... Then maybe I'd still be awake when I write this stuff, and have something worthwhile to say. Other than $guys are hot. Heh.


Much with the tiredness and the memories that have been expunged, but more with the sleeping.

Silly Japanese word of the next test I'm studying for!

hitsuyoufukaketsu - necessity and inevitability


More in the vivid dreams department... Last night I dreamed that Ty was dead (sorry, man) and that Jim and I had buried him in an Indian burial ground hidden away in a cave on a cliff overlooking a lake in the cone of an extinct volcano (whew whatta sentence). When we came back some time later to pay our respects, however, he was gone. A mad search resulted, featuring many dunkings in the lake, Michael Hammer, and those weird mousey lemurs I saw on Animal Planet yesterday. I think we finally determined that his parents had come and removed his remains, but we couldn't figure out where they'd taken them (and stupid stupid Ann wouldn't look it up, even though we were sure that her stupid stupid computer had the data). And then there was the dream the night before, with its brightly colored helicopters, tanks, and Mountain Dew (I don't usually remember much color data from dreams).

You see, I go through these phases. For perhaps two months at a time, I will remember very little of my dreams, if anything at all. And then for about two-three weeks, I have such vivid dreams that some nights I feel as if I got no sleep at all. It's really quite odd.


Four interviews in three hours... "joy." And three more on Monday! And two on Tuesday! And one on Wednesday! And three more next Friday! Yahoo!


One of the things I appreciate most about my current office... one of the things that makes the lack of windows not seem so bad... is that get to have a nice selection of the funniest, cutest, and smartest guys at work there, all the time. I win! In other news, I awoke this morning from a dream where a guy (who I vaguely recognize as a complete dork from my physics class four years a go) was trying to get me to tutor him in Japanese. In my dream, I woke up and he was kneeling next to my bed - he said that Garrett had sent him. "Garrett Sakamoto sent you?" I managed, still quite asleep. "SAkamoto," he corrected, overemphasizing the Japanese sound. And I flipped out and yelled at him that when I was speaking American, I'd damn well pronounce things American. And then I yelled it again, in perfect Japanese. Thus marking the first time I've managed to get a sentence in Japanese out in a dream without mangling either grammar or vocabulary.


Vivid, vivid dream last night. Propped up against something with a pad of paper on my knees, madly writing about music and infrasound... not very common that I remember writing in my dreams, and this time I can almost remember exactly what I was writing. I did in fact remember exactly what I'd written right when I woke up; if only I hadn't been so distracted getting ready to leave... because of course the words fled the more I moved into wakefulness. The paper was a rough-textured creamy beige, with a reddish image screened on. The image was moving - it was Craig, DJ'ing with headphones held to his ear and sound waves radiating outward, swirling with his motions. So strange - I guess I was thinking about him last night while talking to Brian about Conjure One. I haven't been able to get the image out of my head all day.

Silly Japanese word of the next test I'm studying for!

souryoujikan - consulate-general


Have I mentioned lately how incredibly much I despise having to get up in the 6-7 am range? Here I am, having a perfectly good dream, enjoying my hard-won sleep, and then the goddamn alarm goes off at 6:15 am. Perhaps I wouldn't mind so much if I weren't incapable of getting to sleep before midnight, or if I was one of those lucky people who doesn't need more than 6ish hours of sleep a night. But noooooo. Of course, I could sleep in a little later than I do, if I caught a different bus or had a better handle on how long it usually takes me to take a shower in the morning. But my gut feeling is that the extra 30 minutes or so I might gain through doing so wouldn't really matter much in the long run. I hate the idea that I'll have to do this for six months in Japan (earlier there, I think), although perhaps then I'll have so little to do at nights that I'll just go to bed at 10 or 11 out of sheer boredom. But the idea that I'll have to get so little sleep once I enter the job market... here's hoping for a job that lets me work something like 10-7. Because, you know, I like my sleep.


Homework emailed to the prof right under the wire...woo. Funny how much Lars likes being a box - I wonder what it is about being inside boxes that makes his existence so much more complete? Jim mocked me earlier for wondering this, pointing out that Lars is just a cat, so there probably isn't much rhyme or reason to the whole thing... but Liam doesn't like boxes that much! I sometimes wish that I could be a spectator in a cat's mind for one day, just riding along with their consciousness and senses for a day... just to see what it would be like.


A thought has been building for several days about the physical effect music has on me, but I'm frankly too tired to articulate it tonight. Instead I'll remind myself about things I'd like to talk about... music, possibility of trust, the idea of moving... and going to bed.


Well, I was going to complain about my super shitty day (well, it was only shitty from about 9:45 am to 3:30 pm... but the shittiness in that period well accounted for multiple days), but I've done so to enough people today to feel cleansed about the whole thing, and the cute valentine card one of my students sent me capped my feeling better. So I am no longer the nervous wreck I was earlier, and I think I will just let the day coast off nicely.


I've been sleepy enough to go to bed since 7:30. But it's 11:30 and I finally figured out after a couple hours that it's nothing I'm doing that's causing data to drop out of a particular database table... it's just randomly falling out (I can't tell, of course, whether it's doing it totally randomly or when the database gets touched by me in some fashion). And if there's anything more frustrating than something going totally and completely randomly wrong, I'm too tired to think of it right now. Argh. No homework done, no studying done. Not even getting flirted with like mad at the SPS pizza thing can make up for how sleepy and annoyed I am right now. ARGH.


Sigh. No studying done and much worrying accomplished in its place. Settle? Not settle?


(ow ow ow) I got a new backpack over the weekend. Fifteen dollars at the Jansport factory outlet in Centralia, baby. Schweet. However, the straps are quite different from my old ones, and my shoulders, they are a'hurtin. I've got a couple years of posture-habit defined for my old pack... I'll just have to work on it, I suppose, because I refuse to use that old one any more. More may be forthcoming after I spend the next four hours making dinner and studying. Or not. We'll see. Oh yeah, how could I forget??

Silly Japanese word of the next test I'm studying for!

nounaishukketsu - internal brain hemorrage


(scrubbing face) Can't concentrate on the studying and I'm thinking about going to bed at 9 pm. How silly. Had ridiculously intense dreams last night, most of which I choose not to share. But the one that woke me up, I will. I dreamt that I was at my apartment, puttering around in my room, when someone out in the living room called a question in to me. I stuck my head out the door and answered before I realized it was Greg. I rushed out and bowled him over with a hug, demanded to know why neither he or his brother had let me know he was coming back, and just about started crying, I was so happy. I find this dream funny because I never really realized until he was gone how incredibly fond I'd gotten of him. I don't think he's coming back, which made the dream all that more poignant when I woke up. Sigh.


Down on the ranch, which explains the lack of entry last night (y'all got yesterday morning instead). Hanging out this morning, drinking tea, reading the LUG list and Slashdot, I find myself the most content I've been in a while. I've not had a Saturday in weeks that I've truly just chilled out. It's just bonus that I actually woke up before 1 pm for once. I made Brandon K laugh the other day, referring to myself as "a whore to sleep," but it's such an appropriate phrase. When I get the chance, I will happily be dead to the world for 13+ hours. Happily, I must qualify, in the sense that I do it at all and don't even attempt to set an alarm. I rarely feel all that happy about it when I wake up (try guilty and annoyed). Anyway, point being that I am pleased with myself for having slept for an even nine hours last night and having woken up at 11:00 am feeling awake (as opposed to groggy and disgusting as I normally do in the mornings).

Jim Morrison is singing to me. Love me two times...


hoooo. Well, last night is not on my top-ten list of nights I'm proud of. Reminder to self - getting that drunk and then riding the bus is baaaadddd, mmkay? Thank heaven for the no-hangover genetics though.


Two midterms down, one more to go, and a billion more fucking things to do. ARGH.


Tonight the TV taught me about coffee beans that have been eaten and shit out by a weasel. Oh, these wonderful modern times.


I hate midterm weeks. Not that any of my midterms will be disastrously difficult (I guarantee some stupid errors, as always, but I believe that I relatively know my shit), but having three in three days isn't as happy as it could be.


After three years of avoidance, I finally told Jim about my dad today. It's nice to not have secrets hanging over my head with him anymore.


Well, this certainly has been a shitty day in the grand scheme of things. There's few things in life that I anticipate more than the expansion of the space program... and now this happens. Well, fuck. I spent the day fucking around with my box to try to take my mind off seven people who blew up, and haven't really succeed; I find it odd that I seem to be more emotionally affected by today than I was about the World Trade Center. Perhaps it's because I had never given a thought to whether the WTC would still be around in twenty years, but I spend at least some time each week daydreaming about what humanity's future among the stars will be. Damn accidents... damn them. In a way, it's so much more unfair because there really isn't anyone to blame. Sigh.