Jerry, Dave, and Malcom: Big-Ass Rock

	Let's find a rock
	I mean a big-ass rock
	Or maybe something like
	A cinder block is better
	I'll hoist it up
	And drop it on your face, my buddy

	And just before the lights go out
	You'll see my smile and you'll know
	You've got a friend
	With a rock
	Who cares
	I mean a big-ass rock

		Or rope
		I got some quality rope
		Made for a man who's devoid of hope
		Like you are, my buddy
		Michael -

			Unh, that's Malcolm.

		Yeah, Malcolm. Right!

		And I won't leave you swinging there
		Twitching like a fish while you claw the air
		I'll grab your feet
		And pal o' mine
		I'll pull real hard
		And snap your spinal cord

	This world is cold when you're alone and
	They ignore you
	But don't kill yourself

	We'll do it for you
	You've got a friend
	You've got a friend
	You've got a friend

		You know, I asked a guy once if he'd mind putting me in a barrel 
		and sending me over the falls. You know what the son of a bitch 
		said? "Drop dead, asshole."

	People are pricks. I asked this guy to take his air compressor and 
	drill me with a six-inch nail right through the eye...

		What'd he say?

	"I'm low on nails."

		People are selfish pricks.

	Another time, now get this, I just lay down in front of a steam roller 
	and asked the guy just to proceed, you know, business as usual, and just 
	squash me like a bug.

		That's a good way to go, Jer, the ol' bug squash. 
		Hey! We could tie a plastic laundry bag over his head.

	Naw, that's such a wimp suicide.

			I stuck my finger in a socket once. It hurt real bad... but it 
			didn't kill me.

	Malcolm, stay out of this.

			I've got a friend
			Like Carole King
			Or was it Carly Simon
			Used to sing?
			I always get those two confused
			But anyway -

			I turned around
			And suddenly
			I'm not alone
			It ain't just me
			I'm like a player on the team

	Player on our team!

			I'm part of the gang...

	Part of the gang!

			A member of the club

	Welcome to the club!

		Oooh ... let's get a club

	I like the big-ass rock

		Naw, one good swing and
		I'll clean his clock 

	Let gravity do the work!

		It's a man's way to die, Mikey.


			I got friends

	Friends who will
	Love you like a maniac
	And lead you like a lamb

	To the railroad track
	And tie you down

			I've got friends!

	Or tickle your wrist
	With a single-edge razor
	Or buy you a beer with
	A Draino chaser
	Or dump you in the
	River with a rock

			A big-ass rock

	Here's a nice one right over here

		Can I give you a hand with that? It looks heavy.

	No, Dave
	It's ain't heavy...he's my friend

		Come on, group hug.