Denis Leary: I'm an Asshole

	I'm just a regular Joe, with a regular job
	I'm your average white, suburbanite slob
	I like football and porno and books about war
	I got an average house, with a nice hardwood floor
	My wife and my job, my kids and my car
	My feet on my table, and a Cuban cigar

	But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep 
		a man like me interested
	(oh no, no way, uh uh)
	No I gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense
	(woah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah)
	I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane
	While people behind me are going insane

	I'm an asshole (he's an asshole)
	I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, such an asshole)

	I use public toilets and I piss on the seat
	I walk around in the summertime saying "how about this heat?"

	I'm an asshole (he's an asshole)
	I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)

	Sometimes I park in the handicap spaces
	While handicapped people make handicap faces

	I'm an asshole (he's an asshole)
	I'm an asshole (he's a real fucking asshole)

	Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song
	Ranting and raving and carrying on
	Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong

	I'm an asshole (he's an asshole)
	I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)

	You know what I'm gonna do
	I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado convertible
	Hot pink, with whale skin hubcaps
	And all leather cow interior
	And make brown baby seal lions for head lights (yeah!)
	And I'm gonna drive in that baby at 115 miles per hour
	Gettin' 1 mile per gallon,
	Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonald's
	In the old fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers
	And when I'm done sucking down those greeseball burgers
	I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag
	And then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam containers right out the side
	And there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it
	You know why, because we've got the bombs, that's why
	2 words, nuclear fuckin' weapons, OK?!
	Russia, Germany, Romania
		they can have all the democracy they want
	They can have a big democracy cakewalk
	Right through the middle of Tianamen Square
		and it won't make a lick of difference
	Because we've got the bombs, OK?!
	John Wayne's not dead, he's frozen,
		and as soon as we find a cure for cancer
	We're gonna thaw out the Duke
		and he's gonna be pretty pissed off
	You know why,
	Have you ever taken a cold shower?
	Well multiply that by 15 million times
	That's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be!
	I'm gonna get the Duke, and John Castive Eddies,
		and Lee Marvin, and Sam Peckenthorp, and a case of whiskey, 
		and drive down to Texas...

	(Hey! You know, you really are an asshole!)
	Why don't you just shut up and sing the song, pal?
	I'm an asshole (he's an asshole)
	I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)


	I'm an asshole and I'm proud of it.